NOTE: This book is for adults only
Homecoming King (Diary Entry #1)
by Luke Mallory
Diary Entry is a hilarious series of quick-read novelettes charting the life and times of Luke Mallory, a twenty-five-year-old, hot-blooded 'lad'.
In episode 1, Homecoming King, Luke flies back to his hometown of Dublin, Ireland in response to a family emergency and immediately suffers a number of embarrassing incidents. Unbowed, Luke does his best to carry on and deal with the bigger issues at hand...despite the fact that all eyes are on him.
Colorful, contemporary and full of real-life characters, each Diary Entry episode is told in the first person by Luke Mallory in his own inimitable style! Diary Entry episodes 1, 2, 3, and 4 are out now!
About this book: Reading time ~30 minutes. Approx. 20 pages. Contains strong language and scenes of a sexual nature. Contains Chapter 1 Preview to Luke Mallory's novella, Singleton. You can also get all five of Luke's books in one volume, Naughty Box 1.
‘Orange juice please.’
How I regretted those awful words! Orange juice please. It had seemed like such a harmless choice when the flight attendant flashed an insincere smile and asked what I’d like to drink. But now, barely two minutes later, I realised my mistake. The turbulence had been quite unexpected – and quite severe. I watched in horror – slow motion, actually – as the plastic cup slipped off the frictionless tray table and emptied its contents all over my lap. If only I’d ordered water…
‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ the airplane’s loudspeaker blared, ‘the captain has switched on the fasten seatbelt sign as we may experience some turbulence…’
Now they tell me!
The same flight attendant who had taken my order – a blonde in her mid-twenties – breezed down the aisle again, inspecting the seatbelts of all the passengers. Poker-faced, she did a double-take when she looked down at my, eh, juicy lap. The poker face quickly disappeared…
‘Oooooooohhh,’ she said, grimacing – the smile was a sincere one this time. It even caused her makeup to crack. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Never better,’ I replied, smiling back. I held up my empty plastic cup. ‘It’s the orange juice…’
‘Wait there,’ she added and skipped away – evidently the threat of turbulence was over.
I leaned my head into the aisle, for I was sitting in an aisle seat, and watched her disappear – her big ass kept bumping into stray heads. Wait there, she had said. Where was she expecting me to go?
‘Here you are,’ she said now, landing beside me shortly after and pushing some paper towels onto my lap. She awkwardly watched as I went about mopping up the damage. ‘Oh, it really got everywhere…’
‘Thanks…’ I gave her a few nervous smiles as indeed I felt the orange juice spread…everywhere. ‘At least it wasn’t something scalding hot.’ Another nervous smile.
She laughed, took one final look at my crotch and then continued on her rounds. The poker face was firmly in place again.
Just then, the elderly American husband and wife team sitting on my right chimed in.
‘Soda water will get that right out,’ they said in unison, with matching southern drawls, pointing at the spilled juice.
‘Maybe,’ I replied, ‘but right now I’m not sure if I could stand another soaking.’
‘Suit yourself,’ the husband said, laughing at me.
I grinned. Well, smirked might be more accurate…
An entertaining entertainer. Perfect. Luke has a fantastic voice for storytelling, engaging, cute and oh, so naughty. I enjoyed this tale from start to finish and am just about to download his next. His short trousers have their own part to play and almost take on a life of their own. I'm familiar with Dublin and enjoyed the descriptive, short journey from the airport, but it's the last line that has stayed with me since I closed my Kindle. I laughed so much I think my face fell off.
Interview With the Author
Hi Luke, thanks for joining me today to discuss your Diary Entry series.
Which writers have influenced you the most? Probably Robert Ludlum. I’m a big thriller and action reader … though I have yet to write anything like it.
What age group do you recommend your books for? Adults over 18!!
What sparked the idea for these books? I’ve had some interesting adventures in my life … especially when it comes to women … so I thought I’d write them down.
Which comes first? The character's story or the idea for the novels? Well, since these books are about me, I guess I came first…!
What was the hardest part to write in these books? Writing about all the stupid things I’ve done. One particular scene (from the fourth book in the series) in a nightclub still gives me cold sweats at night.
How to you hope these books affect the readers? I hope people can relate to them. Maybe they’ve had similar experiences. Or hoped they had, I don’t know! Either way, I hope they laugh at me – I’ll laugh with them.
How long did it take you to write these books? It took a few months to write the series of four short books.
What is your writing routine? I work in an antiques shop and that gives me time to write during the day (unfortunately we don’t sell much these days!) and then I write when I get home too.
How did you get your books published? I begged people to read them. A small team finally did.
What advice do you have for someone who would like to become a published writer? Never give up. Ever.
Great advice! What do you like to do when you're not writing? I used to play rugby at university. Injury has ruined that, but I still like to keep in shape. I read and run. I do like a pint of Guinness.
What does your family think of your writing? They don’t know anything about it – I haven’t told them! However, my Dad always told me I was good at writing back in school – I won a few short-story competitions.
Please tell us a bit about your childhood. Basically I was dragged all over the world as my father worked for a multi-national oil company. It seemed like a pain at the time, but in hindsight I was very lucky. My mother is French too – so that was interesting. My grandparents are from
. New Zealand
Sounds a bit like my life! Did you enjoy school? No – I was the guy firing rockets at the teacher and getting into fights.
Did you like reading when you were a child? I did, actually. But I didn’t boast about it!
When did you first realize you wanted to be a writer? By accident really. Something happened in my life last year (which I talk about a bit in the books) and I was encouraged to write some things down. I haven’t stopped writing since then.
Did your childhood experiences influence your writing? Absolutely.
What was your favorite book as a child? Anything by Roald Dahl.
Who were your favorite authors as a child? I was reading Jeffrey Archer and Ludlum and Tom Clancy when I was a kid.
Do you hear from your readers much? What kinds of things do they say? Not yet, but I’ve had some very nice messages of support and some reviews that have brought me to tears – in the good way. It has been a long road.
What can we look forward to from you in the future? Well, my next novella will be out in August 2013 and then I can get back to work on my first full-length novel. I can’t wait!
Thanks so much for the chat, Luke. Best of luck with your writing!
About the Author
Luke Mallory was born in Dublin, Ireland. After completing his university degree (some businessy thing) he meandered over to Paris, France and briefly worked as a trader. Unsure as to why he did this, he made his way back to Ireland, took off his shirt and started writing books. Following the launch of his debut novella, Singleton, Luke has put his shirt back on - something his employers are particularly happy about.
Luke is currently working in an antiques store while he plans his first full-length novel. Indeed, he can often be seen scribbling away at an unsold Victorian writing desk in the store, much to his employer's annoyance. After work, Luke regularly walks the famous pier in Dun Laoghaire. He definitely does not do this during work hours.
A fan of Girls, Guinness, Rugby, Girls, Nightclubs and Dayclubs if there is such a thing, Luke Mallory's modus operandi is to make the most out of life. If he can make a few others smile and laugh at the same time, then it's all the better!