FREE
Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry
by Joseph J. Bailey
As much as the world may need a practical guide to wizardry, Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry is both a fictional satire and a fantasy. Mulogo's Treatise is currently FREE (if it's not free for you on Amazon, please try one of the other retailers below). Also available: Everygnome's Guide to Paratechnology, Nemesis, Confessions of an Angry Dwarf, and Exceptional Advice for Adventurers Everywhere: The Complete Series.
Description
Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry provides a concise summary in plain (well, mostly plain) language for wizards who wish to have a manual for surviving in a harsh world where people (and much nastier) want to kill you and take your stuff (usually in that order).
With varied subject topics including: Allies and Whether to Buy Them, On Reducing Risk (and Capitalizing on the Failure of Others), Protecting Yourself From Yourself, How to Minimize the Curiosity of Others, and When Griffins Attack, Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry will allow you to thrive ... but first you have to survive.
Hopefully you'll enjoy a few laughs along the way.
Excerpt
So You Want to Be a Wizard?
I have had my homes razed, raided and burned to the ground, my towers gutted, marauded, and blasted, and my castles pillaged, defiled, and demolished.
I have been imprisoned in the Astral Plane, entombed in stone, had my spirit bound within a phylactery, and had my mind trapped within a crystal prism.
I have been held for ransom by bandits, robbed by nobility, and dispossessed by extradimensional thieves.
I have been threatened, cajoled, berated, cursed (both literally and actually), abused, and blackmailed.
I have been stabbed, bludgeoned, whipped, tortured, burned, shocked, flayed, and worse.(1)
I have been possessed, mind-controlled, robbed of my body and volition, and rendered incorporeal.
I have been turned into a newt, transmogrified into a frog, changed into a toad, and transformed into creatures slimier still.(2)
I have been charmed, bewitched, hexed, ensorcelled, enchanted, mesmerized, spellbound, and let’s not even talk about what happened while I was under the influence of hostile supernatural entities and agents.
I have been abandoned by friends, forgotten by allies, scorned by compatriots, and turned upon by companions.
I have had intimates taken, comrades killed, family members persecuted, and kith imprisoned.
I have fought with incomprehensible daemons face to face, been engulfed by dragons’ raging hellfires, clashed with greater Powers, and been laid low by alien intelligences.
I have been trapped within the bowels of forgotten ruins, lost within haunted crypts, striven through extradimensional labyrinths, delved over and through the hearts of uncharted planets, and foundered within the darkest and deepest wilds.
I have had my identity erased, my memories taken, my will sapped, and my spirit broken.
And these were on some of my better days.
I am a wizard.
Are you sure you want to be one?(3)
Scribe’s notes:
(1) But yet, no matter how pleasant the imagery, Mulogo is still with us.
(2) Also some less slimy. It varies.
(3) Not many wizards have been as fortunate as Mulogo.
(2) Also some less slimy. It varies.
(3) Not many wizards have been as fortunate as Mulogo.
What Others are Saying About the Book
"Luckily, I happened upon Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry early on in my tutelage while perusing my Master's library. The Treatise remains to this day one of the most influential and formative works on my development and outlook as a magician. Mulogo's insights helped me survive my grueling training with a fell god and become the Priest I am today." ~ Wrindanneth the Red, erstwhile Priest of Maeth Onai, member of the Fists
"I avoided Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry like the plague during my training, as its perspective is entirely unlike my own. It had no influence on my profession or progression. I have little need or interest in being like either Mulogo or Wrindanneth." ~ Aroganji, Fang Shih of Chang Sen, member of the Fists
"I never heard o' Mulogo's Treatise til Wrindanneth showed it ta me. I have no need fer a manual on trimmin' my nose hairs. They help support my beard." ~ Slate Flintforge, Dwarven Bor'Banna, Brewmaster, Eater of Leftovers, and member of the Fists
"I could never make it past the subtitles." ~ Hoyt, roprietor of Hoyt's - Oddities, Found Goods, and Sundries, wizard of Tellanon
Praise for the Book
" ... laugh-out-loud tongue-in-cheek droll." ~ Mallory Anne-Marie Haws, Great Minds Think Aloud Literary Community
"Monty Python meets Voldemort ... Short fun satire, by equal shares odd and humorous, Mulogo's guide is an enjoyable quick read." ~ Sheila Deeth, author of Divide by Zero
"Sage wisdom both for wizards and whatever the rest call themselves." ~ Oleg Medvedkov, author of How to Prevent Unicorns from Stealing Your Car and Other Funny Stories
"'So you want to be a wizard?'(Nods). Who wouldn't? Wizards are cool! But would you really want to be a wizard after Mulogo presents a list of his dangerous experiences? (With second-thoughts: Still nods...)" ~ F.J. Bayog, Fantascize.com
"Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry is for anyone who has a love for wizards or wants a quick laugh regarding their favorite tropes in the genre." ~ Tyson Mauermann, Speculative Book Review
"Wizarding advice
Delivered with pretention
And some added snark"
~ Aaron Pound, Dreaming About Other Worlds (Haiku Review... I love haiku!)
Delivered with pretention
And some added snark"
~ Aaron Pound, Dreaming About Other Worlds (Haiku Review... I love haiku!)
About the Author
Through such simple questions as, "What if we lived in a world where our beliefs were real, tangible, and actualizable?" Joe explores the possible through thought, fantasy, wit, and character.
Including influences such as Shunryu Suzuki, Tolkien, Krishnamurti, Iain M. Banks, Laozi, Stephen R. Donaldson, Philip Kapleau, Raymond E. Feist, Edward O. Wilson, Dan Simmons, and David Bohm, Joe creates existential fantasy filled with rich worlds, concepts, stories, and ideas.
Joe holds an advanced degree in environmental management from Duke University where he also studied religion with a focus on meditative, experiential, and transformative traditions.
When not at play with his family, he enjoys reading, writing, and relaxation. When he can, Joe also practices various martial traditions in which he has attained the victim level of proficiency.
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