EXCERPT
Sister Surrendered
by Darla
M. Grese
Sister Surrendered is currently on tour with Enchanted Book Promotions. The tour stops here today for an excerpt. Please
be sure to visit the other tour stops as well.
Description
When you’re a twin, loneliness is somewhat unfamiliar because you’ve
always had each other. So when a twin passes, the other is left unprepared. Our
loyalty was steadfast and our devotion to one another, solid. Our love was
unconditional no matter what the circumstances. I’m so grateful every day for
the memories of the joy and laughter that we shared together. I know the bond
that Kelli and I shared is impossible for anyone to replace.
This memoir has become something so much more than initially intended.
It’s become a documented journey barely scratching the surface of the love between
two sisters. And surprisingly, it’s also become an outlet for me to speak
candidly and honestly about my struggles with the cause of Kelli’s death. This
is a love story turned tragedy. An exposure of one of the greatest healthcare
failures killing Veterans and civilians, and a cry for help to remedy the
fiasco.
I’ve stressed about who I would mention in this book, nervous that I
would hurt someone’s feelings by not mentioning their names. But I’ve realized
that it’s impossible to do. Kelli had so many great friends, some I’ve never
even met.
I need each person to know who has taken the time to reach out to me in
whatever capacity that if it weren’t for your heartfelt show of support and
love, I don’t know that I would be able to muster the energy to even get up
each day. Kelli, we did it.
Excerpt
Kelli again became
depressed, withdrawn, aggressive, and sometimes paranoid. Living with her
became nearly impossible. Thomas had to stop letting her work at his tackle
shop which tore him up, too. Her skin became yellowish, the whites of her eyes
almost golden. It was heartbreaking.
This time I drove to
the VA with Maureen in tow and stormed into the Chief of Staff’s office.
Maureen tried stopping me as I ambushed my way in but she couldn’t. The
secretary informed me that I needed an appointment but I insisted otherwise.
The Chief overheard our conversation and agreed to meet with me. I tossed a bag
of empty pill bottles in front of him and educated him on what was happening. I
made him aware that his doctors were, from my view, killing my sister. He
assured me that he was going to call a meeting with Kelli’s team of doctors,
which per her records I’ve reviewed, he did do. Our meeting however was not
documented though, and the dispensing of pills continued. One hundred and
twenty Valium and sixty Klonopin were dispensed in just one day!
I was forced to make
one of the hardest decisions of my life. I sold our house, a house that we had
loved. It was our home. I just couldn’t bear to watch her die in it. In front
of me, us anymore. I felt helpless. I remember standing in the kitchen for the
last time, alone. It was empty with only the memories I would carry for us. I
couldn’t reach her. I didn’t want it this way. I wanted my Kel back. I stared
into the space recollecting the good times; Kelli on top of the refrigerator
patiently waiting for the first wayward passerby to cross in front of her. She
would leap off and jokingly scare the daylights out of them. I could smell the
eggs and bacon that we’d fry up on Sunday mornings before game time. I could
taste the Navy black coffee that we’d sit around and drink as we plotted out
our day. I missed her, I missed you. Do you know how much? Do you Kelli?
Locking our home for the last time hurt. It was utter anguish.
I moved to an
apartment in Virginia Beach while Kelli to Newport News. We were now living
about thirty minutes away from each other. A distance that felt much further.
Fortunately, Kelli had a roommate that would keep me updated daily.
Unfortunately, Kelli was sliding. Even though she and I weren’t living under
the same roof anymore, I was constantly plugged into what was going on. My mind
constantly occupied with simultaneous worry and hope. It was pure torture.
I noticed over time
that Kelli was going to the VA rather frequently. More and more as time passed.
And shortly thereafter, white plastic bags full of pill bottles were being sent
to the house in startling quantities. Kelli was also changing, becoming more
withdrawn, reticent, and appearing extremely depressed. And as more pills
arrived, the worst things became. Even getting the attention of her friend and
supervisor Thomas who knew Kelli incredibly well. She was often calling in sick
to work, sleeping excessively, becoming irritable, and spent little time
grooming herself. She even started staying in rundown hotels. Sometimes for several
nights in a row which was really distressing and scary. I tried to reach her
but it would just turn into a rambling argument. Kelli even turned aggressive
at times, going nose to nose with me screaming like we were two strangers. I
felt like I was living in a nightmare. I had never experienced anything like
this with Kelli. Even her daily functions crumbled. I remember vividly at one
point during breakfast when her face just dropped directly into her cereal
bowl. After this had gone on for several months, I deliberately approached
Kelli with a more stern demeanor.
She was sitting in
the kitchen. Her spirit gone and her eyes empty. We both cried as I begged her
to get help. She admitted that she was addicted to the pills that the VA was
dispensing, specifically Klonopin and Ativan. Thinking back to that morning
nearly sixteen years later, it still drives a sharp pain deep into my chest. A
stifling heartache. That was just the beginning of a nightmare that I would
never wish on anyone. My twin sister, my pillar of strength, my idol of
certainty, my other half, was changed forever. I know you were in there. Behind
that curtain of intoxication. I know you Kelli.
I convinced Kelli to
check into the hospital to detox from the pills. I even drove her to the VA
where she was admitted to the inpatient psychiatric unit. Saying goodbye to her
as two heavy doors slammed in between us is a memory that would forever haunt
me. A wall that should have never been. I sat in the parking lot of the
hospital and sobbed, not being able to convince myself to drive away. This
wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t in the cards. I was the one who was
supposed to fold under pressure and collapse, not Kelli. I wasn’t strong enough
for this, not this, not Kelli.
Once home, I immediately
went into detective mode scouring through Kelli’s bedroom. I found bottles of
pills from the VA hidden everywhere. There were bottles in socks, clothes,
pockets, a Kleenex box, and stuffed under her mattress. Kelli hid them in
places that most would never think to look. But I was her twin and knew her
best. I left nothing unturned, no corner and/or crevice unexamined. My goal was
to ensure that when Kelli returned home, the house would be poison free. By the
time I finished tearing up her room, I accumulated a mountain of bottles. I was
speechless. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was no wonder why Kelli
couldn’t hold her head up. My friend Maureen, there with me, was dumbfounded.
While we sat there in awe of what we were seeing, the phone rang. I shot up
quickly because I knew that it was Kelli. And I was right, it was her, crying
and hardly able to speak. I cried as well while attempting to comfort her.
Making certain that she knew that everything would be okay. She begged me to
come the following day for visiting hours and of course I said yes. The thought
of her sitting in that locked unit made me cringe. I hated it. Every f-ing
second of it. I hardly slept that night. Constantly thinking and wondering
about Kelli and how she was doing. I counted down the minutes until I could go
to her, just sit with her. My Kelli. I couldn’t help but think back to our
childhood, boot camp, and every other aspect of our lives together, good,
challenging, hard, rewarding, enduring. Enduring. Kelli, damn it, you had it,
you had the secret, you loved life and it loved you back, ughhhh! I wondered
how an individual like Kelli who was so strong, brave, determined, and solid
could fall from grace so rapidly.
Featured Review
By Taylor Tryst
With the current issues at VA hospitals everywhere, Sister Surrendered by Darla M. Grese, blows the lid off the
epidemic of over-prescribing by VA doctors, and their blatant disregard for
lifesaving information provided by the families of veterans with addictions,
data the VA has chosen to ignore on a universal level. These veterans should be
encouraged to undergo revised and cutting edge treatment for drug abuse and or
addiction, and required to abstain from using these types of medications in the
future, but instead have their addictions fed by said doctors until their lives
are ended either by suicide or an accidental drug overdose. In my mind, that
makes the VA as a whole, worse than any drug dealer on the street.
Ms. Grese is an inspiration to the families of veterans who have been
lost in this manner, and in full disclosure, I too lost my sister in 2010 to an
accidental overdose of prescription medication given to her by the VA. I
believe Ms. Grese to be extremely brave in coming forward with her twin sister
Kelli’s story, with her story. Losing a sister, especially a twin, is a
life-altering event. The loss and injustice grow daily, the heartbreak,
unbearable at times.
I was in tears after reading Kelli’s own words in the final pages of the
book, and I believe that Ms. Grese has gone through hell and back to bring
Kelli's story out into the open. Kelli’s words leap from the page and hit right
in the heart. Ms. Grese is a whistle-blower of sorts. However, will anyone
listen? Ms. Grese has brought forth a story that affects the lives and deaths
of real veterans today and sadly, probably tomorrow. I believe there is still
time to save other veterans, and to keep other families from suffering, that
the VA can be held accountable for this grave injustice. Please, share Sister Surrendered with your friends,
family and loved ones. It might just save a veteran’s life.
Job well done, Ms. Grese.
About the Author
Darla M. Grese is a twin sister who lost her better half to side effects
from prescribed medication. As a U.S. Navy Veteran, she is an advocate of
Veteran X and Veteran Hope programs that address mental illness, PTSD, and
unintentional addiction issues. Both programs are sponsored by the Veteran
Affairs Medical Center and focus on Veteran recovery and
independence. She raises money for Team Kelli and annually participates in the Out of the Darkness Walk at Mt.
Trashmore in Virginia Beach. While continuing to bring awareness to this cause,
being a loving parent is her favorite passion and the main focus of her life.
Darla’s love for the arts has been expressed as a talented actress with
appearances in The F.B.I. Files, The New Detectives, Diagnosis Unknown, Wicked
Attraction, Discovery Channel’s The
Haunting, and the movie Atlantis Down.
She currently works full time as a respiratory therapist at a trauma center in
Norfolk, Virginia.
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