EXCERPT
Choose Valentina
by Walter
Eckland
Description
What is the antidote to an Evil Queen and two perfectly pouty Princesses?
Why, Valentina of course!
She is the nicest niece of the nasty reigning Reign of Candela. To the
total non-amusement of both the Queen and her off-putting offspring, Valentina
is chosen as the choosing one. Don’t panic! Valentina is fearless in the face
of fright. It has been three hundred years since the last Dragon Decade and
things are sure hatching in their baths of blood. Toss some newly elected and
selected friends in the pot, stir, shake, escape ... and then we have an
adventure on our hands!
Excerpt
Valentina and the Choice
It was a Dragon
Decade.
Of course that was
completely new and exciting for everyone. There is never any way of telling
when one will come along. Oh yes, there are those that predict and foretell and
portent. They are liars, fibbers, cheaters, fabricators, phonies, frauds or
charlatans, and occasionally, the Queen will chop off one of their heads.
Let’s clarify that
if you please, please. Occasionally, the (evil) Queen will chop off the one and
only head that sits upon the broad-, narrow-, medium-, or shoulder-sized
shoulders of one of her completely foolish fools of a fool citizen who wrongly
predicts, portends, postulates, populates, or hallucinates a Dragon Decade.
Big ouch!
Did I just say evil
Queen? I do believe that, in fact, I did, back there, right before that choppy
ouch part. When I said “evil,” I would imagine that you pictured a picture in
the full-color pictures parts of your mind of this Queen. Wait. Let’s uppercase
label her: this Evil Queen.
Maybe we should make
her bold too, since she’s a Bold Evil
Queen.
Ugly, I assume was
your first thought when you thought about thinking about her. Mean. Awful.
Terrible. Vicious. Nasty. Privileged.
Castle dwelling. Horrible smelling. Servant abusing. Jewel encrusted. Diamond
dusted. Spicy mustard. Well fed. Well
fed with rich delicacies. Rich. Delicate. Richly delicate.
I bet you even think
she gets fresh, homemade, mint jelly served with her lamb brains stew.
You are almost all
of the way correct. She is all those things you thought, mint jelly included,
ugly part excluded. Oh no, this Evil
Queen is definitely not ugly. She is beautiful. She is gorgeous. She is the
visionary envy of everyone in the kingdom (or should that be queendom?) and the other ten close-by
kingdoms or queendoms. She’s a
stunningly stunning stunner—pretty, gorgeous, exquisite, radiant. Why, the very
sun itself stops in its sun tracks when it sees her sunny, glowy glow.
Oh, she has great
clothes and shoes too.
Wait, you’re
thinking. She must have some rotten daughters.
Terribly ugly, grotesque little things, you guess. Nasty skinny
stinkers, miserable misshapen medium-sized makers of mayhem, or horrid-looking
portly porkers, one envisions. Temper-tantrum throwing terrors for sure. Not at
all good looking, painful to gaze on, terrible eyesores, vicious, hideously
ugly brutes, one assumes.
Once again you’ve
half nailed the nail on the nail’s whole head. La Queen has two hor-ren-dous-ly
rotten daughters and one youngest mis-er-able
brat of a son. However this trio of terror is simply, handsomely, beautifully,
stunningly stunning also and too.
They also have great
shoes and clothes too, also, too, and also and positively definitely, for sure,
no doubt, also, and too. All of their fab-u-lo-so
shoes are sized to fit, and they never ever have to tie their own laces.
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About the Author
Walter Eckland is an odd sort of duck who throws a bunch of words
together and then hacks the heck out of them afterwards. Sometimes they align
well pre or post the masticating. Sometimes said words align humorously. Once
they made someone cry. We don't know why. Most times the words get tossed in an
electronic waste receptacle to be reused in a more conventional manor by
someone who probably DID pay attention in seventh grade English and did learn
about grammar, punctuation and run on sentences while Walter was listening to
his ADHD and trying desperately to sit still.
Walter used to spend a boatload of time in airplanes crossing the little
pond between the North East of the new world and the old continent. Australian
Shiraz fueled much of the word proliferation during that time until Walter
switched to Cabernet Sauvignon.
These days Walter does a little repetitive South to North travel path and
dusts off some old words and tries to make sense of whatever nonsense he
intended at the time. Most of his ramblings fall into silly children's books or
old style science fiction. One sci-fi book involves a fat lady and a Volvo.
Walter's first Kindle offering, Corie Universe Feeder, involves a young girl that reminds him a bit of his
daughter. There are two more books in the series (so far). Book Two, Corie Castle Builder, is kind of different but still the silly same stuff.
Book Three, Corie World Creator, takes a few odds turns and almost makes a point or two.
Choose Valentina is his latest offering.
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