"An Unstill Life" by Kate Larkindale

REVIEW and EXCERPT

An Unstill Life

by Kate Larkindale

This review opportunity for An Unstill Life by Kate Larkindale is brought to you by YA Bound Book Tours.

Description

When your whole world is falling apart, what are the chances you’ll find love in the most unexpected of places?

Livvie feels like she’s losing everything: her two best friends have abandoned her for their boyfriends, her mother continues to ignore her, while her sister, Jules, is sick again and getting worse by the day. Add in the request Jules has made of her and Livvie feels like she’s losing her mind, too.

Her only escape is in the art room, where she discovers not only a refuge from her life, but also a kindred soul in Bianca, the school "freak". Livvie’s always felt invisible, at school and at home, but with Bianca, she finally feels like someone sees the real Livvie. As the relationship deepens and it comes time to take the romance public, will Livvie be able to take that step?

Livvie’s about to find out if she has what it takes to make the tough decisions and stand up for herself - for the first time in her life.

Excerpt

I lolled against Bianca, aware of her distinctive raspberry scent enveloping me. My laughter caught in my throat, and I had trouble breathing through it. I looked up at her, watching the way the streetlights played across her features. With her head thrown back, her throat was long and white, and I was overcome with a sudden desire to touch it.

I didn’t say a word, but she seemed to hear my thoughts. Her laughter quieted, and she turned to look at me, her eyes glittering in the sodium glow. For a long time we stood there, eyes locked, the warm breeze wafting across our skin.

Bianca bent her head, and her lips settled upon mine. They were warm and soft, slippery with lipstick. I shivered and pressed my own lips hungrily against hers. Her mouth opened a little, and I followed, admitting her inquisitive tongue. It tickled mine, darting in and out, waltzing across my taste buds. The flavor of wine, exotic and sour at the same time, flooded my mouth.

My heart beat a rapid tattoo through my chest. This was wrong. I should not be doing this. But I remained mesmerized, nerves I’d never noticed before singing songs of ecstasy along my spine. 

Kissing Jesse had been nothing like this.

She pulled away, slowly, as if surfacing from a dive. She licked her lips, smiling in satisfaction. Her lipstick, smeared now, blurred her mouth into something unrecognizable. I ran my tongue across my lips and tasted her there, spikes of electricity igniting in my belly. This was better than I could have imagined.

“Wow…” she breathed. “You’re good.”

“Am I?” I reached for her again, wanting nothing but her mouth on mine once more.

“Yeah, you are.” She pushed me against the wall, and I lost myself in her kisses.

Time held no meaning. It could have been seconds or forever before I drew back. Nothing so good could be wrong, yet my stomach writhed with guilt. “I…I should get home.” My voice was unsteady.

Bianca glanced up at the star-speckled sky and nodded. “Yeah. Me too.”

It felt completely natural when, as we walked toward the bus stop two blocks away, she slipped her hand into mine.

[Want more? Click below to read a longer excerpt.]

Praise for the Book

"I cannot rate this book highly enough ... The honesty in Livvie's voice as she tells her story is refreshing. Her world is believable, relatable, breath-taking, and inspiring. I had to take a couple of 'cry breaks'" while reading. An Unstill Life is a must-read." ~ Jessica Lucci

"A beautifully written and poignant story dealing with more than one controversial issue, I strongly recommend this book to anyone looking for a contemporary issue-driven read." ~ Xan

"An Unstill Life is breathtakingly beautiful and emotionally riveting. I was so impressed and cannot wait to read more books by this stellar author!" ~ Laura

My Review

By Lynda Dickson

Livvie is a fifteen-year-old girl with synesthesia (she tastes colors and sees sounds), who lives in the shadows of her friends and her older sister Jules, whose leukemia has just returned with a vengeance. Livvie feels invisible to her friends, the boys at school, and even her mother. Why is it, then, that Bianca, the strange Goth girl in her art class, is the only one who seems to see her? What starts out as bonding over their still life projects, slowly evolves into something more. As Livvie's school life and family life become more and more unbearable, Livvie has to find comfort somewhere. But not everyone is pleased with Livvie's new-found happiness. Will Livvie find the strength to stand up for herself for once in her life?

This book packs a lot of issues into one small package. I found Livvie's uncertainty about her sexuality a bit hard to comprehend, until I realized she is only fifteen. Her bad experiences with boys seem to push her toward Bianca, with only one minor reference to a possible attraction to females. It's sad to see how Livvie's mother treats her throughout the book, but the explanation for her behavior is a bit too convenient and not really substantiated by her actions. Livvie's relationship with her sister Jules is the best part of the book. I also love the descriptions of how Livvie perceives sounds as colors, especially the sounds of people's voices; they add such a wonderful nuance, I could almost see them myself. The images with stay with you for a long time after you finish reading.

A poignant story of family, friendship, loss, and first love.

Warnings: LGBT themes, underage drinking, sex scenes (not graphic), assisted suicide, mental health issues, terminal illness.

About the Author

Having spent a lifetime travelling the globe, Kate Larkindale is currently residing in Wellington, New Zealand. A marketing executive, film reviewer and mother, she’s surprised she finds any time to write, but doesn’t sleep much. As a result, she can usually be found hanging out near the espresso machine.

Her short stories have appeared in Halfway Down The Stairs, A Fly in Amber, Daily Flash Anthology, The Barrier Islands Review, Everyday Fiction, Death Rattle, Drastic Measures, Cutlass & Musket, and Residential Aliens, among others.

She has written eight contemporary YA novels, five of which other people are allowed to see. She has also written one very bad historical romance which will likely never see the light of day. She is currently ghostwriting an autobiography while waiting to see which of her many YA novel ideas gels to the point it might become a new book.

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"The Scent of Rain" by Anne Montgomery

INTERVIEW and EXCERPT

The Scent of Rain

by Anne Montgomery

Author Anne Montgomery stops by today for an interview and to share an excerpt from her latest novel, The Scent of Rain. 

Description

Rose Madsen will do anything to keep from being married off to one of the men in her Fundamentalist Mormon (FLDS) community, even endure the continued beatings and abuse of her mother. But when her mentally handicapped baby sister is forced to strangle the bird she loves at the behest of the Prophet, Rose frees the bird and runs away.

Adan Reyes will do anything to escape the abusive foster care system in Phoenix, even leaving his good friends and successful high school athletic career behind him. Ill-prepared for surviving the desert, Adan hits the road only to suffer heat stroke. Found by a local handyman, he catches a glimpse of a mysterious girl - Rose - running through town, and follows her into the mountains where they are both tracked and discovered by the men of the FLDS community.

With their fates now intertwined, can Rose and Adan escape the systems locking them into lives of abuse? Will Rose be forced to marry the Prophet, a man her father's age, and be one of dozens of wives, perpetually pregnant, with no hope for an education? Will Adan be returned to the foster home where bullying and cruelty are common? Is everyone they meet determined to keep them right where they belong or are some adults worthy of their trust?

Excerpt

1

Rose Madsen couldn’t risk staying out much longer. She still felt the paddle blows—what her mother called “appropriate corrective measures”—from the last time she’d disappeared for too long. But the chill of the spring morning had eased following sun-up, a full two hours after Rose had risen to do her pre-breakfast chores, and now the high desert sky was a cloudless blue. When she got back, she’d have to bathe, dress, and feed Becky, a chore she didn’t mind doing, but right now all she wanted was to wade in the creek and feel the sun on her face. Becky could wait a little while longer.

“Recalcitrant,” her mother often said, referring to her seventh daughter. Rose rolled the word around in her mouth, but the term had too many sharp edges. Other folks in town didn’t use words like recalcitrant. Children were either good or bad. She’d overheard people say Mother’s vocabulary was too prideful, a sin that needed correcting, and struggled with the thought of Mother as a sinner.

Rose dipped a hand into the stream and marveled that just a day earlier it had been dry as a bone, nothing but fine sand and loose rock. But then the snow high in the mountains had melted, delivering a clear, cold flow that Rose knew would quickly disappear.

She dabbed at the milk splotches on the hem of her ankle-length cotton dress. She’d been milking cows for over ten years, but no matter how often she squeezed those velvety teats, she could never avoid splashing her clothes. Rose scrubbed at the almost invisible stains on the sky-blue fabric knowing that Mother would probably spot them no matter how hard she worked. She’d be shut up in that tiny room in the barn, forced to study her dog-eared book of scriptures and go without food because “dirty clothes proved one harbored dirty thoughts.” No matter how often Mother said that, Rose had no idea what it meant.

She removed her Nikes and socks and stepped into the current, bunching her skirt with one hand, lest the garment trail in the water providing proof she’d sneaked away. The water rushed around her legs, numbing them to mid-calf. She shivered. It was exhilarating. She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the sky. If only she could stay here as long as she wanted.

She drew in a deep breath of cool, desert air and started to step back out onto the creek bank when a rock beneath the sparkling surface caught her eye and drew her hand into the flow. The stone was egg-shaped, spotted with the remains of multi-colored pebbles. She remembered learning in science class that stones like this were made up of smaller rocks that had been forced deep into the earth, melted, and fused together, only to reemerge countless years later to be washed and tumbled by the river, edges softened, rounded. She held the stone in her palm and ran her thumb over its smooth surface.

How long had this transformation taken? Mr. Wayland, who had proudly passed his rock samples around the classroom, might have known the answer. But he was gone, and the school was closed. Large goats had eaten away the greenery that once surrounded the building that housed the classrooms. A sign above the doorway still read Colorado City Unified School District #14. Trash littered the grounds that were hemmed in by a chain link fence. The Prophet had decreed that all children should be home schooled. And so they were.

Rose wanted to keep the stone, but that was impossible. The telltale smoothness of the rock would surely shout out that its life had been spent tumbling in the riverbed, one of the many places Rose was never allowed to go. Mother had warned her repeatedly about the terrible flash floods that could barrel down the mountain without warning, sweeping away everything near Short Creek. Rose wriggled her toes in the frigid stream, then sighed and dropped the stone back into the water where it landed with a plunk.

[Want more? Click below to read a longer excerpt.]

Praise for the Book

"Very disturbing, but also compelling. Montgomery's voice is a no-holds-barred approach to a terrible truth disguised as the love of God. Just the thing for a stormy night's read." ~ Anna Baker

"Anne Montgomery has a great way of mixing local knowledge of Arizona with excellent story telling!" ~ PHX38

"The Scent Of Rain is a book that stays with you, that you continue to think about long after finishing to read it." ~ Sandra Richardson

"The Scent of Rain is the story of a tragic, intolerable situation, but it is a story of Hope and love as well." ~ Michelle Kidwell

"A heartrending, heartwrenching, fictional narrative set in the excessively strict, narrow world of Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints, in Colorado City, Arizona, and Hurricane, Utah, The Scent of Rain is true-to-life real- life horror. Make no mistake, this novel will chill your spine; but this type of abuse of women, children, boys, and animals, committed in the guise of strictest religion, needs revealing. Even in the midst of tribulations, The Scent of Rain celebrates the resilience and persistence of the human spirit." ~ The Haunted Reading Room

Interview With the Author

Author Anne Montgomery stops by today to discuss her latest novel. The Scent of Rain takes on some difficult topics – polygamy, cults, misogyny, illegal immigration, and deportation – just to name a few, so what was your inspiration, Anne?

I have lived in Arizona for about 25 years. As an avid consumer of current events – yes, I’m a news junkie – it was hard to ignored the reports coming out of the twin towns of Colorado City, Arizona and Hildale, Utah. I was astonished when I learned about the radical Mormon sect that lives on what is called the Arizona Strip and their tradition of marrying underage girls, some as young as twelve, to old men. The fact that this behavior could thrive inside the confines of the United States continues to shock me. I wanted to learn more about these people, who – in this time of technology with its cellphones and Internet and 24-hour news cycles – live mostly without any connection to the outside world.

What did you do to research for this book?

As a former reporter, I greatly enjoy digging for a story. I read articles about Colorado City and conducted interviews with people who had lived and worked in the community, including Flora Jessop, who escaped twice from the cult and today works with the Child Protection Project: an anti-child abuse group that helps women and girls escape from the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The stories Flora told me were so harrowing that to this day I have not listened the three-hour recording of our interview session. The images were burned into my brain. I also interviewed Dr. Theodore Tarby, who bravely confronted the cult members, asking them to refrain from marrying and reproducing with their close relatives, after he discovered that the cause of the awful birth defects in the community were the result of incest. Unfortunately, Dr. Tarby was ignored.

I find it impossible to write stories without actually visiting the locations where my characters live, so I recruited a dear friend, Patty Congdon, and we drove to Colorado, City. We concocted a story about looking for a place to retire. As we studied the community, children stared at us as if we were monsters. They are told that outsiders are devils. I am not afraid of many things, but I have to admit that I was uncomfortable while doing my research on site and have no desire to go back.

You have a background in broadcasting, sports writing, and other freelance work. When did you decide to start writing fiction? Why?

As most women who ply their trade in front of a TV camera will tell you, we have a shelf life. Once one is nearing forty, we are suddenly no longer qualified to do our jobs. When my contract at ESPN was not renewed, I began writing fiction. (I was unemployed and rather desperate for something to occupy my time.) However, all my novels are based on real events or situations. In A Light in the Desert, a novel about the deadly sabotage of the Amtrak Sunset Limited, a passenger train that was derailed in the Arizona desert in 1995, I wrote about child abuse, teen pregnancy, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as well as the crime. My historical fiction novel Nothing But Echoes, details the problems of archaeological looting, black market sales of antiquities, and the question of when Europeans first inhabited the Americas. In The Scent of Rain, I again tackle child abuse and also polygamy, and cults. So the theme, I guess, is that while I write fiction, my stories are based on facts: not the plot line, necessarily, but the details that support the story line.

What is your favorite part of The Scent of Rain? What did you enjoy writing about the most? Why?

I am most happy in the wilderness. The state of Arizona is one of the most wondrous wild areas I have ever explored. We have the incredibly diverse Sonoran Desert, as well as mountains and canyons and rivers and forests. I have seen much of the state because I’m a rock collector. (It’s true. I have about 400 specimens just in my living room. Friends know not to ask about them if I’ve had a glass of wine because I then feel compelled to explain when and where I found each one, whether they want to know or not.) Before researching The Scent of Rain, I had not traveled to the Arizona Strip. I was thrilled by the stark beauty of the area. Zion National Park is just a short drive from Colorado City. The thing I enjoyed most about writing the manuscript was incorporating descriptions of the landscape into the story.

Who is your favorite character? What role did he or she play in moving the plot forward?

That’s a tough question. Like asking a mom to name her favorite child. Still, there would be no story without Rose. I’m a high school teacher, and to have a student like her would be a delight. I admire her enthusiasm, her determination to find answers to the natural world around her, and her efforts to reconcile the beliefs of the strange community in which she was raised with all the new things she learns about the outside world. My second favorite character is Adan. Through some strange twist, I became a foster mom at 55. As I never had any biological children, you can imagine what suddenly having a 15-year-old boy in my home was like. Adan reminds me of my first son, Brandon. I now have three boys who call me mom.

How did you find a balance between light and dark/humor and levity in your narrative?

The subjects I write about tend toward darkness, however, I know as a reader that I search for the element of hope in stories. I feel it’s my job as a writer to provide characters with a positive way out, faith that their lives will get better. In real life, most of us have days that are generally sprinkled with all kinds of emotions, so in the interest of making the characters multi-dimensional, there must be balance. Also, I’m fortunate that there is a lot of humor in my world, thanks to my beau of 23 years. We laugh a lot. Whenever my students or my boys ask me about dating, I tell them to make sure they find someone who makes them laugh.

What do you think readers will enjoy most about The Scent of Rain?

Readers of my other novels have told me that they truly enjoy my diverse cast of characters. I think the same will be true of The Scent of Rain. But I also think it’s interesting to read about places that look and feel and smell differently than those we normally inhabit. I consider a book’s setting like a main character. In this case, I hope the readers will delight in the wild lands of northern Arizona.

Where can readers find out more about you and your work?

I am active on social media: Facebook, Twitter, and Goodreads. Readers can also find me on Wikipedia, Amazon, and LinkedIn.

Thanks so much for stopping by today, Anne. It's been a pleasure.

About the Author

Anne Butler Montgomery has worked as a television sportscaster, newspaper and magazine writer, teacher, amateur baseball umpire, and high school football referee. Her first TV job came at WRBL-TV in Columbus, Georgia, and led to positions at WROC-TV in Rochester, New York, KTSP-TV in Phoenix, Arizona, and ESPN in Bristol, Connecticut, where she anchored the Emmy and ACE award winning SportsCenter. She finished her on camera broadcasting career with a two-year stint as the studio host for the NBA’s Phoenix Suns. Montgomery was a freelance and/or staff reporter for six publications, writing sports, features, movie reviews, and archeological pieces. Her novels include: The Scent of Rain, Nothing But Echoes, and A Light in the Desert. Montgomery teaches journalism at South Mountain High School in Phoenix, is a foster mom to three sons, and is an Arizona Interscholastic Association football referee and crew chief. When she can, she indulges in her passions: rock collecting, football officiating, scuba diving, and playing her guitar.

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"A Fantastic Mess of Everything" by Beck Medina

REVIEW and EXCERPT

A Fantastic Mess of Everything

by Beck Medina

This review opportunity for A Fantastic Mess of Everything by Beck Medina is brought to you by YA Bound Book Tours. You can read an excerpt and my review.

Description

Millie Alvarez is a college senior with dreams of being a best selling science fiction writer like her favorite author, sci-fi mastermind Luke Danielson. She fantasizes about dating Rod, her handsome, young writing professor, who has a fan base of his own.

Of course no one knows this but her two best friends, Fran and Mike. In the real world, Millie is anything but a success. She always gets cast in the worst roles in her college's musical productions, has a single subscriber to her writing blog, and struggles to be with anyone but Fran and Mike. She even avoids meeting Trent, an exchange student from London who matches with her on the dating app Charmed. Sam always wants to hang out with Millie, but he isn't her type; he's too skinny and happy and won't stop asking Millie about all her favorite things.

But things spiral out of Millie's control when Fran moves out of their dorm room to live with her sister and her estranged dad won't stop calling her to make amends. To top it all off, the pain inside of Millie's chest is worsening. Millie must decide if she's ready to face everything head on. Can she do it? Is she stronger than she thinks she is? All Millie knows is that her life is one big mess that she cannot seem to escape.

Excerpt

"five minutes" Sam had texted Millie. Ten minutes ago.

Millie arrived at the restaurant where Sam had suggested they meet called Il Formaggio. It was a really swanky pizza place with a bar, and everyone there were adults who were just drinking. A pizza place for adults. Millie felt more in place at a Chuck E. Cheese.

Suddenly, Millie felt too short and not pretty enough. And she had actually made an effort to look nice. She wore an above-the-knee floral print dress with black tights and grey suede flats. Fran let her borrow one of her old cardigans, one of the only ones that actually fit her.

She stood at the entrance for a few minutes, pretending to look at the desserts behind a glass display window. When the girl working the bakery asked Millie if she wanted to buy something, Millie smiled and shook her head. Then she went to the far corner of the entrance and retreated to a leather couch away from everyone else. Basically, you could eat pizza, get drunk, and then take a nap at this place.

Sam didn't see her when he first walked in. He looked around for her, his back facing Millie. He was wearing a collared long sleeve and faded black pants. An outfit she had seen him wear hundreds of times. She wished he'd worn something new for their date.

This isn't a real date, Millie reminded herself.

Just as Millie was about to get out of her chair, Sam whipped himself around and saw her. He flashed his superstar smile.

Millie was pleasantly surprised to see he was clean-shaven and his hair was parted and groomed to one side. Little tips of black strands at his hairline had been brushed back so they effortlessly curled up like a wave above his forehead. His hair and face were the smoothest she has ever seen them. He looked perfect. She was nothing like him.

Millie rose and walked over to him.

“Hey." Sam said it so smoothly that it made Millie feel safe, as if Sam—scrawny as he was—could protect her from anything.

Sam extended a friendly arm and wrapped Millie into a hug, holding her for a moment before letting go.

"Thanks for coming along, Sam."

"Sure thing." Sam made eye contact with the hostess and held up the number two with his fingers. "Thanks for coming to dinner."

"I'm not very hungry," Millie said.

"Neither am I."

"Shocker."

Sam grinned.

"Only you two today?" The hostess asked. She had frizz-free hair and actually knew how to properly apply makeup. She made being hot look easy.

"Just us," Sam said.

The hostess gestured with her hand for them to follow her. She led them to a table for two, surrounded by two other occupied tables.

"Can we take that table instead?" Millie pointed to a desolate table set up against the wall.

The hostess furrowed her brows.

"Of course." Sam nodded, looking at Millie assuringly.

The hostess led them to Millie's anti-social table and set down two small pieces of paper—apparently the menu, but Millie didn't think so at first—one in front of both of them.

"Your waitress will be right with you," the hostess said and shuffled back to her post by the entrance.

The bus boy approached them with a fancy glass bottle of water and set it down in the middle of the table along with two small glasses. He pulled out two straws from his apron pocket.

"Thank you," Millie said.

"Thanks!" Sam smiled at the bus boy as he started to walk away, one upping Millie in the charm department. While it was a tiny bit annoying, it was also a relief that Millie could be herself. Sam had the courtesy covered. 

Sam picked up the flimsy menu and glossed over it. "Sorry I'm not hungry," he said. "I've been eating all day. Had a movie marathon with Corey and Dustin."

"What did you watch?"

Sam leaned in like he was telling her a big secret. "Return of the Last Sensei."

"Oh god. Never get that close to me and say those words again."

"I take it you aren't a fan."

"I read a few chapters of the book adaptation of the movie."

"Not the same."

Millie observed the other patrons in silence.

Sam kept his head down at the menu, but studied Millie. "Are you going to order anything?" he asked.

"Maybe." Millie picked up her menu.

The waitress strolled over to them and Sam ordered a beer. She asked him for his driver's license and casually flirted with him in front of Millie. Not that Millie was jealous, but the waitress could have at least assumed they were on a date. But maybe she didn't think Sam would date Millie. Sam was really good looking. This waitress was clearly enthralled by his friendliness.

But as Millie continued to watch their exchange, she saw that Sam was behaving unlike himself. He was tense, and conversing apprehensively. She wondered if he liked her.

"Get whatever you want, Millie," Sam said, and Millie

"Never tell a girl that." The waitress winked at Sam. "She'll order the whole menu."

Millie ordered the least expensive pizza on the menu—tomato basil—and was relieved when the waitress finally left.

"That waitress was...weird." Sam looked at Millie and laughed. Millie stayed quiet.

Sam rested his elbow on the table and patted his hair, never taking his eyes off Millie. Millie sighed and scanned the room again.

"What are you thinking about?" Sam asked her.

Millie shot her eyes at him. "Nothing."

"Forgive me for asking," Sam said, stirring the water in his glass with his straw. "It's a conversation starter. I don't know anything about you. Except that you get off to deranged clowns chasing after you with chainsaws in Haunted Mazes."

"Ask me something real then."

Sam perked up in his seat and wiggled his fingers mischievously as he decided on a good question. He was acting like a kid who had been patiently waiting his turn forever. "Where did you grow up?"

Millie: "Echo Park."

Sam: "What was it like?"

Millie: "Quiet."

Sam: "How many siblings do you have?"

Millie: "None."

Sam: "Are your parents still together?"

Millie: "No."

Sam: "This isn't fun when all you do is answer with one word."

Millie crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat.  "You're not asking the right questions, then."

Sam took this as a challenge. He squinted his eyes, looking at Millie like he was trying to read her mind. "When did your parents get divorced?"

"They broke up when I was two." Millie shifted in her chair. "They were never married."

Sam: "Where does your mom live?"

Millie: "In the house we grew up in."

Sam: "And your dad?"

"He doesn't live here," Millie said, playing with her straw wrapper absentmindedly. 

Sam: "Where does he live?"

Millie: "Far away."

Sam: "Is he dead?"

Millie shuddered. "Definitely not."

"Okay, I get it."

"What do you get?" Millie asked, slightly bothered. He was judging her again.

"I just get it." Sam shrugged and took a sip from his beer glass. At some point the bus boy had placed it on their table. "I get why you're avoiding questions about your dad."

"I'm not avoiding anything." Millie said. "I genuinely don't know where he lives. We don't speak. At least I don't speak to him."

"He tries to talk to you?" Sam clutched his glass.

"All the time," she said.

"You just hang up?" he asked. Millie could tell Sam pitied her from the way he was looking at her. It was irritating.

"I don't answer," Millie said. "My life is fine without him. He's messing it up by wiggling his way back into it."

"But your life could be better if you talk to him."

"He isn't any good."

Sam stayed silent for a moment, probably contemplating if he should continue this line of questioning. "Did he do something to you?" he asked hesitantly.

"No," Millie said.

"To your mom?"

"No."

Sam titled his head to the side. "So how's he not good?"

"He just isn't," Millie said. She touched her chest and started taking deep breaths.

"Are you okay?" Sam said. He was suddenly tense. He looked like he was ready to give her the Heimlich.

“I’m”—Millie took a deep breath—“Fine." She breathed again. She kept her hand on the middle of her chest. "I just get this pain in my chest when I talk about Walter--my dad. Or experience anything potentially life-altering.”

"That sounds like anxiety." Millie didn't say anything, so Sam continued. "Anxiety is a disorder controlled by fear, Millie. If you let the fear grow inside you, your anxiety will only get worse. I bet if you met Walter it would go away."

Millie rolled her eyes. She didn't want to talk about this with Sam. He wasn't a doctor, and he didn't need to know about her medical problems. She set her hands in her lap and acted like her chest wasn't tight anymore. "Do you have any more questions?" she asked.

Sam blew out a big breath of air, his lips flapping a little as he thought of something else he could ask. "What's your favorite color?" He broke into a crooked smirk, his eyes meeting Millie's slyly.

Millie huffed. "Yellow," she said.

"Now ask me a question." Sam waited patiently, eager to hear what Millie would spring on him.

Millie shrugged. "Where are you from?"

"Helena, Montana."

"What do your parents do?"

"My dad owns a home improvement store, and my mom's a Spanish teacher."

"Is that why you like to build things?"

"Yeah," Sam said. "I work there every summer. But I mostly install light fixtures."

Millie grew quiet, then said, "What's your favorite color?"

"That's a good one." Sam nodded, lifting his mouth to one side as he pondered on the question. "I'm not sure. Maybe..." Sam took a good look at Millie, almost like he was inhaling everything about her. "Brown."

"Why?" Millie gagged.

"What do you mean, ‘Why?’ I like it."

"Nobody likes brown." Millie said. "It's not a pretty color."

"Your eyes are brown, and they're really pretty."

Millie pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and looked away. "They're not that interesting," she said.

"It isn't the color that makes them pretty." Sam grinned. "It's how you use them."

“Oh, god." Millie covered her eyes with her palms. "What do I do with my eyes that are making you say things like that?"

"I refuse to tell."

"Why?" Millie said.

"If I do, you'll be too self-conscious about it and you won't do it anymore."

"They're my eyes and I deserve to know."

"You smile with them," Sam said.

Millie's face shriveled in disgust. "I don't smile with my eyes. I hate smiling. You like to smile."

"Yes, I do like to smile." Sam took a drink from his now half-empty glass. "I'm a normal person."

"I'm not a normal person," Millie said just as the bus boy brought her pizza to the table and set it in front of them.

"Definitely not." Sam tore off a slice and took a big bite. "It's your best quality."

[Want more? Click below to read another excerpt.]

Praise for the Book

"Upon reading this book, the reader is placed into the head, heart and soul of a meek college student trying to make sense of her life and relationships, all while having a huge crush on someone who might not be the best thing for her. I see a part of myself in the main character, although I am male and the character is female. This is a fantastic mess, indeed - one I'm happy to have read." ~ George Butler, III

"I love reading this book, can't put it down. Well written that it makes me get emotionally involved with the characters and their situations." ~ Kimberly Cervates

"This is an incredibly satisfying read from an indie author I can't wait to check out more from. As someone who usually reads sci-fi, this isn't the kind of book I read, so that being said, I really loved it. The plot moves along really nicely, and the dialogue is very funny and clever." ~ joe cabello

"You get to live inside a young girl's mind while she struggles with severe anxiety and its effect towards her relationships, friends, and family. It's brilliant, relatable, and will give you a better perspective on your own social behavior. I absolutely loved the novel and am hungry to read more from Beck Medina!" ~ Amanda H.

"I loved every second of this book. I love the main character and her quirks. 10/10 would read again. I can't wait to see more from the Author." ~ Niki Jay

My Review

By Lynda Dickson

Millie is a college senior. While everyone around her seems to know what they want to do with their lives, Millie is consumed by fear and anxiety. She harbors a secret desire to be a science fiction author and even has a blog devoted to the genre, but she's too scared to do anything about it. Her only female friends are her mother and her roommate Fran, who has just abandoned her to move in with her sister. But Millie does have a lot of guys in her life: her friend Mike; Sam, the set designer who seems to have designs on her; Trent, an English exchange student she meets via a dating app but hasn't actually met yet; the mysterious danish_cupcake who always comments on her blog posts; hot Professor Rodney; Dustin, who asks her for help with a writing assignment; her favorite sci-fi author, Luke Danielson; her Grandpa, who is more like a father to her; and last, but not least, Walter, her estranged father, who is trying to reconnect with her after abandoning her when she was two.

I really wanted to like this book, but I never quite connected with Millie. She has absolutely no self-confidence, even though she has so many guys interested in her. I also found it a bit hard to reconcile her shyness and anxiety with her willingness to perform onstage in a musical theater production. Her own mother is a nurse and can't even spot Millie's anxiety. It also feels like things become too normal too quickly after Millie is put on medication. As for the writing, there is too much telling, not enough showing, and constant over-explaining. There are also numerous editing and formatting errors in the version I read. Finally, Sam is such a sweetheart, but I don't understand why he wouldn't kiss Millie, even given his explanation. If you can overlook these faults, this is a quick, fun read - even given the serious issues of mental health and parental abandonment.

Warning: coarse language. Even though this book is technically in the new adult genre, there is no sex.

Playlist

Listen to Beck Medina's official A Fantastic Mess of Everything playlist on Spotify.

About the Author

Beck Medina is a writer and comedy performer residing in Los Angeles. She can be seen performing at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater with Geraldo, her all-Latino comedy group.

She is the author of the contemporary romantic comedy A Fantastic Mess of Everything and the upcoming All the Stars on Fire. She’s been described by many as "very chill", despite being an anxious mess on the inside.

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